Taylor Swift asks an important question in her oh-so-catchy song “Blank Space” that I feel the need to address: “Love’s a game, wanna play?”
The answer? Hell no. I don’t want to play your crazy love games. Why does love have to be a game?
As for me, there are many games with different rules that none of my friends from middle school felt it necessary to explain. A game can be as simple as wording between two people, such as “hang out,” to something more severe, such as standing a person up (me) after they had initiated the meet up/date.
In my most recent rendition of Trivial Pursuit, I met a charming young man and had a delightful conversation on a rooftop during sunset. I knew I was in Trouble. Then he asked for my number. I was Boggled. That doesn’t happen to me. Ever.
Now I wish I could tell you that we met up, fell in love and lived happily ever after in Candy Land but nope. This is the Game of Life. After he’d waited the allotted 24 hours to text me, he asked me to coffee and set a date. However, we never confirmed a time and things KerPlunked from there. No follow-up. No apologies. The end.
So what was the point? What happened over the 48 hours after meeting each other that changed? It’s a Mystery (Date).
Now in my generation, we abide by a very strict rulebook created by the imaginations of young women and men everywhere. It includes times, definitions and rules that are entirely made up by our weird society. So I sat down with my flatmates and we came up with a few of these ridiculous games so that you’ll understand how idiotic we, as humans of the dating era, are.
1. When you meet someone that you find attractive, we often pretend that they don’t exist. That is until there is confirmation that the attraction is mutual.
2. If there isn’t clear confirmation of mutual attraction, when is it too early to send a friend request/follow? For me personally, I’m really bad about accidentally sending a friend request/following while I’m “creeping” their sites. (It’s happened at least four times so either I’m an idiot or my subconscious has a Twisted sense of humor.)
3. Even worse is liking/commenting on too many of their posts. I can’t help it if you post amazing photos or funny statuses all the time, and I just so happen to see them four seconds after you post them. Why must I limit myself on liking what you share?
4. To further our journey down the rabbit hole, who sends the first Facebook message? And what on Earth do you talk about? Cheese? (My favorite’s Gouda.)
5. Then, with Facebook and people that don’t know how to control their smartphones, there is the dreaded “Seen.” On very rare occasions, I gain the courage to message a guy I like, usually asking something about photography or a class project. Then “Seen” pops up, and I either never get a reply, or they wait eight hours with the excuse, “Hey! I didn’t see your message.” You lying sack of dirt.
6. If you happen to be suave and above social media flirtations by going straight for the phone number, when do you send the first text? For me, guys always feel it necessary to wait 24 hours. Literally 24. I swear some use reminders on their phones.
7. In the year 2015, who calls anymore? Our generation doesn’t know how to use a phone. If someone were to ask me out via phone call, I’d probably be freaked out because it’s no longer a social norm. (Not to discourage that. Let’s bring back the phone call!) However, when people do call, they wait THREE DAYS. Why?
8. “Hang out.” We’re all familiar with this phrase. Advice: unless you’re talking to your BBF about making cupcakes and watching Netflix, DON’T USE IT. You WILL confuse the bajeezus out of all involved parties.
Now that you have the tools necessary to begin a successful relationship, get out there and do it! (Not do it, but like…ask someone out? You know what I mean.) After all, you have a blank space baby… go write a name!