2016 is the middle child that could not live up to the expectations set by 2015. The world still holds out hope that 2017 will be its retribution, but that hope is hanging by the thinnest of threads.
Of course, not everything was bad about 2016. For instance, Rob and Chyna had a baby, and the women’s gymnastic team dominated at the Olympics. Yet even these happy bursts of life could not make up for the year that made you feel like you were drowning in an ocean of lard.
This campaign season embarrassed the U.S. in front of every country that has internet access. You would think this rollercoaster of an election would be worth it — that the sexist, racist, xenophobic Donald Trump would have been crushed in the end. You would have hoped that Hillary Clinton, the most qualified candidate the nation has ever seen, would have broken the glass ceiling. Good normally does defeat evil — at least that is what fairy tales have always told us — but alas, 2016 bashed the nation over the head with a meat cleaver.
Whether you think Harambe should or should not have been killed on that fateful day in May is an argument that I will not get into. What does bother me about the entire situation, however, is the joke that has been made out of the gorilla’s death. Harambe may not be a human being, but that does not mean that the death of a gorilla should be made into a joke that frat boys shout at you off the top of their balconies. This event only proved how obnoxious human beings can be.
Alan Rickman, 1946-2016
I will miss the man who played our favorite greasy-tendrilled character in all of the Harry Potter movies. Rest in peace, Alan Rickman. Thank you, 2016, for taking this beloved man away from the world, because David Bowie, Prince and Muhammad Ali were not enough for you. Thank you for twisting the dagger in all of our hearts.
As if Donald Trump wasn’t providing this country enough international embarrassment, Ryan Lochte’s Olympic lie will surely leave us cringing for years to come. His fabricated story about being robbed at gunpoint at a gas station in Rio — when really he was just immature and intoxicated — not only embarrassed the nation but his mother as well. How could you embarrass the woman that brought you into this world, Ryan? That was not cool.
To be honest, I have not used Vine since my freshman year of high school. It was a never-ending stream of six-second videos that took up hours of my time. Though entertaining as it was to watch absurd dance moves and magic tricks, the death of Vine is for the best. Go outside, smell the roses, take this as a wake up call to pick your head up and get a life outside of your phone. For those who will feel a hole in their heart due to this loss, you can either suck it up or add it to the long list of things that 2016 screwed us over with.
If there is one thing that sums up this sucky year, it’s the outbreak of mumps that has caused 128 MU students, as of Nov. 30, to resemble blowfish. Surely it is every student’s aspiration to show up to finals with their faces 10 times larger than normal, because you know what they say: the bigger the head, the bigger the brain. You got the last word this time, 2016, but watch out because 2017 is coming for you. That is, unless Donald Trump wants ruin that year for us as well.
Edited by Katherine White | firstname.lastname@example.org