Valentine coitus jams

The top sex — uh, six, albums for making whoopee

By Zack Nolan | Feb. 7, 2013

Tags: Music Valentine's Day


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Missy Elliott – Under Construction

Alone this Valentine’s Day? Alone in general? Screw social norms, and screw yourself! Turn off the lights, light some candles and play "Work It" on repeat until the deed is done.

Jonas Brothers – Jonas Brothers

We have to face the fact that some people aren’t having sex. Some people are even choosing not to have sex. What better band to listen to, in this case, than the patron saints of purity? On the plus side, you get to fantasize about Nick Jonas’ rock-hard abs whilst abstaining from sin.

Beyoncé – 4 (deluxe edition)

Studies show that listening to “Dance for You” at high volumes can cause many of the typical signs of a sexual encounter: sweating, trembling, twitching and making primal noises. These are all typical responses when one listens to Beyoncé. All hail the queen.

Usher – Confessions

Some schools of thought believe that Usher actually invented sex. However, do not hold Usher responsible for any cases of immaculate conception that have occurred from listening to “Burn.”

The xx – Coexist

If you like to stare into the eyes of your partner in complete silence from the jump to the finish, then you should be listening to The xx when you do the dirty. This album is for people who like to roll over and write poetry post-orgasm.

Frank Ocean – Channel ORANGE

Whatever your sexual identification may be, "Thinkin Bout You" is perfect from the foreplay to the post-play.

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