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5 reasons V-Day can suck it

Here are five holidays to make you wish you’d never heard of St. Valentine

Published Feb. 10, 2012

People love to hate on Valentine’s Day. Unless you’re shackled into a sappy, expectations-are-way-too-high-anyway relationship, you’ve honestly considered staying in bed all day Feb. 14. Instead of whining, we went ahead and used that resentment to fuel creative thought. Behold: five holidays that deserve a spot on the United States calendar more than vomit-inducing Valentine’s.

National Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

A day for hilarious antics, Matthew Broderick nostalgia and cutting classes, National Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is the perfect mental holiday. Festivities include a giant downtown parade, a “Save Ferris” campaign (T-shirts for all!) and a 1961 Ferrari 250 GT California rented to each participant. Screenings of “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” are optional but encouraged.

Rational Thought Day

On this day, everyone sets aside his/her engrained prejudices and approaches things with an open mind. Finally, a chance for all of society’s bigots to come clean and renounce their ways! Any issue presented on Rational Thought Day must be considered rationally, without the typical "human fallibility" that tends to get in the way. This is the perfect day to explore new cultures, religions, foods and points of view.

National Grilled Cheese Day

Very few things can surpass the perfect grilled cheese. Be it Swiss, American or Monterey Jack, every participant eats nothing but grilled cheese for a day, as well as participating in other activities. Other options include slogan-bearing T-shirts, celebratory songs and at least an hour of spot-cleaning your griddle the night before.

Pay-It-Forward Day

Remember that Chase Bank commercial? The one where the baby drops her doll so the nice man picks it up for her and the woman who watches holds the door for another woman who moves some guy’s coffee back from the edge of the table, etc. etc.? Pay-It-Forward Day operates along these lines. You do little favors for others (hold the door, pick up a dropped book, pay for coffee) and they do little favors for you in return. For a whole day you can pretend the world is a smiley, joyful place full of unicorns and butterflies and neighborly types.

Harry Potter Day

All things HP, all day long. On May 2 (the day of Voldemort’s ultimate defeat), Muggles dress in wizarding garb and parade about waving wands/spouting incantations. Magical feasts are served (butterbeer, anyone?) and the more athletically inclined practice Quidditch or ride Hippogriffs. Everything is delivered via owl post. Highlights include a mini-Triwizard Tournament and tours of Hogwarts castle.