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Long distance relationships ain't peachy

By Lyndsey Garza

Published Sept. 24, 2010

Hollywood can glamorize even the seemingly unglamorous. In “Going the Distance,” characters Erin (Drew Barrymore) and Garrett (Justin Long) depict a couple who meet in New York, where Garrett lives, and fall in love during bouts of bar trivia and games of Pac-Man. Six weeks later, the couple embarks on a long-distance relationship for nearly a year. Although the romantic film is sure to swoon the average sap, Hollywood and movies neglect to highlight the true realities of long distance relationships.

Erin and Garrett begin their long distance relationship after a cliché airport scene and began transitioning their communication to the phone at odd times throughout the day. While talking until four in the morning and even in the kitchen of the restaurant where Erin works, the duo depicts the most difficult and overlooked aspect of long distance relationships: communication. On the phone, nonverbal cues and intentions allow each partner to know how the other is feeling. You can only judge the tone of his or her voice and whatever self-disclosure your partner allows.

When issues arise, you can freely hang up on the phone and Skype or simply ignore the text messages in your inbox. You can ultimately detach yourself completely from your relationship and the problems at the click of a button.

For (mature) couples in close proximity, this is not a reality. Problems surface, and both partners have to tackle them as they occur. The miles require you to buck up, buckle down and choose your words carefully through the phone lines. Arguably, it's easier said then done, right?

Being real and always communicating with each other directly is key. Avoid a type of miscommunication know as kitchen sinking, when a partner will hash (or re-hash) a number of events, misdeeds or mishaps at one time. This is incredibly easy to do when distance separates you from your significant other, and resentment builds from longing to see one another. It really does not help that make-up sex is not an option -- but fear not, phone sex is not ruled out.

Some couples find it easiest to keep in touch by creating a schedule or routine for phone calls. In the film, Garrett calls Erin after a long day to find her immersed in a club with her girls. The conversation ensues to include a tinge of jealousy on Garrett’s side that disappears as soon as it is evoked. Long distance relationships require a commitment that sometimes can lose time with close friendships or relationships with other people. At a party when your partner calls? You have to make the decision of what is most important and how you should deal with it.

The struggle with long distance relationships is as soon as you turn off your phone, communication ceases with your loved one. Being in a long distance relationship is not as easy as the hop, skip and jump Barrymore and Long portray after numerous plane tickets and weekend trips. Stowing away with your love during peak fly times, such as Thanksgiving and Christmas, can seem nearly impossible. Besides, how does a newspaper intern with graduate school loans and an income of a waitress make it out to New York so many times and so seamlessly? They don’t.

“Going the Distance” is not the first adaptation of romanticized long distance relationships by the media, and it will not be the last. Screenwriters must be enamored with the saying “distance makes the heart grow fonder,” but they're really just looking through rose-colored glasses. Long distance is more than the agonizing letter-writing in "Atonement" or the easy fate of “Sleepless in Seattle.” It’s work and a willingness to communicate effectively and fully when you are longing to just lay in silence in the arms of your love.