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Take personal time after a break-up

By Lyndsey Garza

Published Sept. 10, 2010

When you meet someone and fall in love, your world becomes some sort of destiny. You will find yourself consumed in another person. It will not be about "me" and "mine." Instead, it will be about "us" and "ours." And for that blissfully forsaken moment, your life is complete.

Inevitably, it will end. Some are left with a box full of old scarves, love letters and several cartons of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. Most are left with a sense of lingering helplessness. And it is what you do with that helplessness that will change you, your future dating prospects and your life.

Take a date. Going to see a film or trying a new exotic restaurant alone can be daunting for the freshly separated, but this action can actually be the most therapeutic. Take time to be you. After all, you are the person someone else will soon fall in love with. Revel in you and your newly freed time but stay constantly busy. Idle alone time will be your enemy.

Take time to evaluate yourself and reflect on what truly makes you happy. Then do exactly that. Did your ex hate your extensive iTunes collection of country music, your cat or the amount of time you spend playing "Call of Duty"? Spend entire days doing exactly what makes you happy. This is all about you from now on.

Chase the happiness and the peace of mind you will feel the day you are finally over the relationship. One day, you will wake up and truly feel what you have been hunting for. This is one occasion, in contrast to sex, when you actually want to fake it until you feel it. Keep in mind you are solely responsible for the happiness in your life. "The Secret" mongers really do know what they are talking about.

Surround yourself and reconnect with the people who were in your life before your relationship. These are the friends who will remind you that you are not dispensable and how undeniably good you are at keg stands. Take these people to the bar, to your couch to watch sappy movies on the Oxygen channel or to your bathroom sink to wash out your new hair color.

Rediscover how versatile you are. Part your hair to the opposite side, switch your usual latte for a chai tea, take up belly dancing or scour the local vintage stores for a new style. Celebrate you.

Lastly, when you feel like you have come to terms with the love you lost and found yourself again, take the time to assess your contributions to the relationships. Do this when you can think about the relationship without tears, frustration or anger. This could take weeks, months or even years.

Take a piece of paper and fold it in half hot dog-style. Write pros on one side of the paper and cons on the other. Without looking at the other side, begin to list and number how many of each you can attribute to your relationship with your ex or relationships in general. When you are done, open both sides of the paper to reveal a true assessment. If you find more on the cons side, you undoubtedly made the right decision. If there is more on the latter, take the time to figure out what you could have done differently.