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To label or not to label

Labeling relationships can clarify or turns things to disaster.

By Erica Zucco and Joe Bradley

Published April 23, 2010

SHE SAYS:

If you like it than you shouldn't put a label on it. No, really. One of two things are going to happen with your romantic situation with another person: No. 1: It will end, and No. 2: It will last forever (or until you die). It doesn't matter if you say someone is your partner. Either you're going to continue enjoying spending time together and will continually spend more of it, or you won't.

If you're into marriage, eventually the label will be there, but while you're in college, why rush it if you don't have to? I get that if your partner's going into the military or something along those lines, committing is a bigger deal — but if they aren't and you aren't? Do. Not. Rush. Into. It.

It's a lot harder to get out of being called "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" than it is to get into it. And it's not just about being "exclusive;" when you put labels on a relationship with any other person, it becomes more difficult to make individual decisions. I'm not judging if you need the title. I'm just saying you should think about it first -- will your relationship really change with someone for the better simply because you both decide you're "in a relationship"? Probably not. I get wanting monogamy — I'm all about it! But if you and a partner really care about each other and naturally grow to want no one else, that's when it really works. You shouldn't have to determine it.

HE SAYS:

I've always thought there are way too many labels put on relationships. First you're "just talking." Then you're "seeing each other." Next you're "dating but not in a relationship." After that you're "in a relationship, but not exclusive." Then you're "exclusive but not boyfriend-girlfriend yet." It's enough to make a guy go crazy!

I think there should really be only two approaches to this whole labeling a relationship thing. You either stick to one or you don't use them at all. If you like labeling a relationship, then by all means, do it. I personally like the label. But, oftentimes, couples spend too much time in the beginning of a relationship worrying or arguing about labels.

The best advice I can give about labels is to be completely honest with your newfound partner. If you're not looking for a serious, exclusive relationship, let them know! Do not hide behind the ridiculously complicated labels. It's not fair to the other person if you're seeing other people behind their back because you're not technically "exclusive" yet. Did the other person know that?

If you're not into labels, you at least have to let the other person know where they stand. I think this is when the complicated labels I talked about earlier start getting used. When one partner feels uncomfortable defining a relationship, they start playing mind games. They start defining the relationship in terms that would need their own dictionary to understand. Have an open conversation. If you're both happy without a label, then don't ruin it. But if you want to go with a label, be sure to follow what my dad always said: K.I.S.S. — Keep it simple, stupid!