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Chivalry is not dead

By Lyndsey Garza

Published Dec. 3, 2010

Courting is the customer service of a relationship between two people. Women especially expect to be treated to dinner, a movie, the occasional bouquet of flowers on her doorstep and other small, chivalrous acts, such as opening doors and footing the bill, long before increased intimacy is initiated.

When any or all the aforementioned acts are lacking in a budding relationship, it seems the sacred expectation of polite discourse and chivalry is as dead as the unopened doors.

What leads guys to table the courtship and want less romance?

According to sociologist Andrew Cherlin at Johns Hopkins University, traditional courtship is comprised of "going steady, getting pinned and getting engaged."

Today's courtships, especially in college, take on an entirely different casual style and are often disappointingly few and far between.

Communication has vastly changed over the last decade, and now it seems easy to connect with anyone through social networking, texting, video calling or simply calling.

This is what ruins the beginnings of relationships. The mystery that makes someone worth chasing disappears if you are constantly connected to that person. If you're always texting each other or Facebook chatting, it leaves little to nothing to discuss over dinner, and it continues to feed the casual exchange.

Tone down the texting and preserve the sanctity and formality of dating. If your partner can't reach you effectively through other means, he or she will insist on meeting you in person to know more about irresistible you.

Maybe the disconnect goes further than online interaction and points to society's changing gender roles. If women do not demand to be treated to dinner and to be courted, should men ix-nay the formality of dates and forgo simply hanging out?

The feminist movement has openly disparaged women placing family life and private happiness before professional advancement, and the careers and sexual fluidity of women in society are vastly more open than ever before. The pursuit of greater intimacy should not fuel courtship alone; this period of time is to discover if two people are compatible and willing to enter a relationship.

Women should demand courtship and chivalry, and men should expect them to be demanded. Courtship is not a social construct that serves and yields little. Without it, what leaves couples wanting more? If you seal the deal before the deal is made, the butterflies, excitement and passion subside too, and the intimacy worth waiting for is lackluster.

Men, do not walk into a restaurant and expect to serve yourself. Seek out a sit-down, formal restaurant where you will be served and where you will experience great customer service in anticipation of your entree.

Courtship is your customer service to the goal of calling your woman all yours. You wouldn't forgo a refill, so don't forgo someone taking your order for happiness. Anticipate your entrée and she will fulfill you.