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Relationship time: How much is too much?

At what point should you stop spending time with your significant other?

By Erica Zucco and Joe Bradley

Published Jan. 29, 2010

HE SAYS:

Once a romantic relationship begins, it's inevitable it will have an effect on the other relationships in your life, specifically your friendships. Most of the time, spending time with your partner means spending less time with your other friends. It's simple math.

Something that often gets overlooked in the beginning stages of a relationship is getting to know your partner's friends. If you can get on his or her friends' good side, you won't be seen as that evil boyfriend, stealing away their best friend and impeding on weekly coffee date plans. Invite them to spend time with you and your partner. Plan a double date. But most importantly, give them some space to do whatever it is girls do when they get together. Gaining a new partner shouldn't mean losing an old one (a friend that is, not an ex-boyfriend — that's called cheating).

It's important to understand it's OK to spend time apart. Being in a relationship in college enables partners to spend literally every minute together, if they so choose. WARNING. Do not do this. If you're thinking about coordinating your class schedules to maximize your time together, forget it. Lunch dates are great because they give you a chance to hang out during the day, but once lunch is over, go to class. Separately. You are here to learn, right?

One thing I struggled with for a while was assuming Erica would be free for dates/hanging out every Friday and Saturday night without asking her. If you want to spend the weekend together, plan a date or at least let them know you'd like the pleasure of their company at a party or even just to sit around and catch up on television shows. And if they tell you they've already got plans, don't be offended, just plan earlier next time!

SHE SAYS:

Sometimes it's hard to tell how much time is too much time together. Well, here's the answer: If you're enjoying spending time together and you're still fulfilling your responsibilities as a student, employee, friend, family member and so on, it's not. But there are a few things you can do to ensure you don't overload yourselves with together time and appreciate the time you do spend together.

Spend some time one-on-one with friends. It's great for your friends to get to know your partner, though your best friends might never tell you this, but they don't want your boyfriend or girlfriend around all the time when you hang out.

Make sure you're getting an hour or two of "me time" each day, whether it be to relax with a yoga tape or to get some work done. I like a couple hours before classes (yes, we're talking 6 a.m., but you don't have to squeeze your hours in that early!) at Starbucks to read the news and knock out a few to-dos. It gives you time to get your thoughts in order and make sure you're in tune with yourself.

And finally, respect your partner's requests for a little space or a night out with just his or her friends. If it isn't happening all the time and they're not blowing you off, it's only healthy and natural that you spend a little time apart, and some people need alone time more than others.

College is a time to explore not just who you could be with, but who you could be. Enjoy this time, and use it, even if it means a little less time spent with the person you like (or love) most!