Column:
If sex isn't fun, why do it?
It's not bad to be a little selfish in bed.
Published Sept. 4, 2009
If there is any matter of human biology that is the most controversial, it's our sexuality. Like anything else we crave sustenance, companionship, validation — it's a natural urge.
Yet since the beginning of Western civilization, we constantly try to constrain it, smother it, pretend it doesn't exist outside of certain perimeters and at the same time try to satisfy it. Our collective culture has a love/hate relationship with sex; while feeling embarrassed or shamed by our urges, we at the same time yearn to fulfill them.
Sex appears in every medium, every outlet imaginable. Since film's inception, sex made its way into the story, despite the censors. Since companies started marketing products to a new audience, sex, or the promise of being sexy, of being desirable, was a good way to hook a new customer. What keeps you watching the TV? Hot bodies, titillating promises.
There are so many conflicting feelings we experience when we are encountered with sex. Shame, excitement, jealously, love, embarrassment, yearning, satisfaction. How can we come to terms with all of them?
What I am going to try to do is be as honest about my own life and experiences as they relate to you. Sex is a subject shrouded in mystery and a hush-hush type of privacy, and it is my goal to open this facet of human interaction to the public.
I'm not a professional, but I am one of you, and I want to connect with my readers over this common interest. Sex appears in our media everyday in one way or another, and I will bring up events that tie into my goal of educating and interesting you. If you have a question to ask or an issue to discuss, I invite you to e-mail me about it.
My personal ideas on sex might not be in line with the moral majority, but I think they are on par with most people my age. I think sex is not a life or death issue. Sex should be fun and it should be about pleasure. To quote Rose Franken, "Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly."
Sexual satisfaction is a great and wonderful thing I believe all of you should aspire to. I also think openness and honesty are essential to a good sex life, as well as simply letting go. Of course you want the other person to enjoy themselves, but you're also in it for yourself.
Know what turns you on, know your body and how it reacts to different stimuli. Particularly with straight women, we fret over how we look or sound or if the guy is being satisfied. I send you on assignment to not give a damn next time you get it on; let your vocal chords do what they will, screw up your face if you want, sit back and enjoy the ride. We have this idea that sex is something women do for men, and men do for fun. It's not true, and you deserve pleasure as much as he does.
Enjoy yourselves out there, and always remember to practice safe sex.