Why be obtuse, girls and boys?
If you just want to fuck, say so.
Published April 7, 2009
With all of the mixed signals darting around, it's a miracle anyone has a relationship or gets laid. Boys and girls everywhere are saying one thing and doing another. It can be a mindfuck.
Last weekend, my friend was out with some friends, including a guy she was interested in. They have messed around before -- they've even had movie dates -- but never went all the way. They had a few drinks and were necking in the bar (always a subtle move), but when they were walking to their next destination, she started complaining that her feet hurt. He proceeded to carry her the rest of the way. When they were back at his place having a little pillow talk, she told him that she liked him. Of course she likes him, as it's not customary to be loving on your friends in public. And what does he do? He flips his shit and says he doesn't want anything serious -- the same mundane speech we've all heard before. She was obviously confused, and, being her girlfriends, we obviously tried to decipher him, but of course we had no luck. He definitely isn't using her for sex, because they aren't doing it. So what is his deal?
Also, take my brother for example. Last week, he introduced a girl to us. He hasn't done this since high school. However, he refuses to call this girl his "girlfriend" for some silly male reason. Personally, I think when you introduce a significant other to the family you have yourself a relationship. I know I didn't take any of my one-night stands home to meet mom and dad. This poor girl is probably incredibly confused.
But it's not just the guys who are playing these head games. I think Dane Cook hit the nail on the head when he said that women are "mind ninjas." Girls are just as bad, if not worse, at confusing situations, often just because they like the attention. I'm sure this makes it even harder for non-douche guys to have a fair chance. And often, girls are looking for assholes. Some girls seriously get off on being treated like shit and then complain that they want a nice guy. No, you just want some douche with a popped collar to talk down to you. I don't mean to hate on girls -- hell, I am one -- but ones like this give the rest of us a bad name, complicate things and add to the problem of mixed signals.
This whole game of mixed signals and contradictory behavior has made its way into pop culture. Take the new VH1 reality show, "Tough Love." It's filled with dumb girls who send mixed signals to guys and ultimately sabotage future relationships. My favorite is Arian, who tends to jerk guys off under the table on first dates. That is obviously the way to tell a guy that you are looking for something serious. Who knew?
This phenomenon has even become a book series and movie -- "He's Just Not That Into You." The book spends its pages telling confused girls what's up.
If we all could communicate better, we wouldn't need a book to help us decipher mixed signals. If you are interested in just sex, say that. Or if you are uncomfortable saying that, just call your partner at 4 a.m. and never let on that you know each other in public. He or she will get the message. And if you genuinely are interested in someone, show it and say it. It will avoid causing confusion, and you can just have fun. Whatever you are looking for, just keep it real.