Fetishes don't have to be shady
Published March 10, 2009
Maybe some of you imagine my boyfriend and me having this insane and devious sexual life -- strap-ons, golden showers, sucking on his toes and dressing up as a dominatrix and whipping his ass until it is red. Sorry, but we really aren't making fetish porn behind closed doors.
It started last semester when I received an anonymous e-mail asking me to take photos of my feet. The sender mentioned that he or she had always noticed how nice my feet are. This was sent when it was freezing outside. I hadn't worn my flops or stilettos in months. I guess my feet are quite memorable.
I thought that this was creepy coming from an anonymous stranger, though if my boyfriend had asked, I might have considered. I didn't respond to the message and never heard anything else from my feet-obsessed friend.
Just last week, my friend sent me a text asking for a favor for her friend. This guy was doing a sociological study and needed participants -- in this case, sexual guinea pigs. He wanted to take pictures of my face when I was climaxing. Oh, and they needed guys to participate as well so if my boyfriend wanted to contribute, he was also welcome. I never inquired about the details, so I don't know if I would have been expected to bone for the photos or just jerk it. Either way, I am not donating my O-face to science.
Now maybe it is because I am a sex columnist or maybe just because I speak openly in public about sex, but I guess the word on the street is that I am a fetish-loving freak.
This notion made me think, what are my fetishes? When most people think of fetishes they think of exotic things that we have accidentally clicked on or heard about. For example, I once clicked on cigarette fetish porn. Unless you want to see a vagina getting lung cancer, don't go near this.
But is that what fetishes are all about -- things that most people are grossed out by? I don't think so. I think it can be as simple as liking to be handcuffed while somebody blows you. In my case, I like getting roughed up a little. Not punched in the face and choked, but getting thrown around and just being taken control of.
For the most part, you will never know what your fetishes are until you try them out. You will never know how much you might love rough sex if you are having kitten lovemaking sessions every night. But there are some things you can know that you won't be into even without experimenting with them. For example, I know being peed on would not turn me on.
If you do have a fetish, it can sometimes be uncomfortable or embarrassing to ask your partner to share that experience with you. I say, go for it. If you know what your thing is, then you are already a step ahead of the game. I would suggest bringing it up after you guys have already gotten it on a few times before. It might be a little shocking for a one-night stand, but hell, who am I kidding? When my boyfriend and I first boned, I demanded to be roughed up and did the same to him in return, and it all worked out beautifully.
I do know one thing for sure, never send out anonymous e-mails -- and stay the hell off of Craigslist.com.