'Fairytale Fights' not-so happy ending
Aside from gratuitous violence, this game has little to offer.
Published Nov. 6, 2009
I know fairy tales are violent, but I can't recall eviscerating lumberjacks with wooden chainsaws ever being the topic of a bedtime story.
The subject matter is good enough for a game, though. I mean, taking fairy tales that are already exceedingly violent, throwing in lumberjacks and a large assortment of weapons with which to dismember them and tossing a giant beaver into the mix is usually more than enough to get excited about (on oh-so-many levels). But after you get over the gratuitous violence, this "hack'n'slash platform adventure" will put you to sleep.
Players can take the role of one of four peculiar derivations of fairy tale characters including Little Red Riding Hood, Beanstalk Jack, the Naked Emperor and a deranged version of Snow White (my personal favorite), complete with facial spasms. There are even some emoticons mapped to the d-pad a la "LittleBigPlanet" that afford momentary gratification.
However interesting its subject matter might be, "Fairytale Fights" makes sure to keep itself extremely repetitive and linear. Any attempt at staying alive when faced with ridiculous camera pan-outs and an unbelievable amount of enemies and obstacles that can take you out in one shot is futile.
Sometimes, the game takes you to areas where it wants you to take a break from linear path-following and enemy-slicing to put on your platforming helmet. The only problem is these camera zoom-outs go too far out to get a real bearing of where you are and will normally get you killed.
Holding onto the non-descript gem/coin things could become a "Holy Grail" scale quest for the hero who enjoys a sculpture of themselves in the title's lame hub town, Taleville, but it isn't used for much else.
Multi-player functions and vivid visual candy are the keys to describing why "Fairytale Fights" isn't entirely horrible, but it's still pretty bad. The title is stunted by its lack of necessary care toward its long-standing subject matter, but it's still a fun romp through a relatively detailed world — although you can't explore much of it.
Going through the excruciatingly unfair chapters of bountiful, blood-full enemies is bound to be a lot more bearable with a friend or three — which the game supports both online and off — but you might need to "hug it out bitch" when you're done because it will be a traumatizing experience.
If cooperation isn't your bag, you could always decide to kill your fairytale allies.
The only element that saves this work of cautionary tales touched by the hand of the famed "Unreal 3" engine is its faithfulness to the color red. Being able to slice up lumberjacks and other enemies is only aided by the use of close-up camera shots supplied for every body you happen to disembowel on your non-descript quest.
Expect to die a lot from loose controls, limited vision and a beaver — with one too many swipe moves for comfort — that all share the end of result of making you take a swim in the lake.
If you like the fun, casual play of the "LEGO" games series and the hardcore violence of the 3-D "Ninja Gaiden" franchise, this charmless, bastard lovechild of the two is going to be a disappointment on many levels.
