Replay: 'Final Fantasy'
'Final Fantasy' is the most non-descriptive title in video gaming history.
Published Oct. 13, 2009
Game franchises have to evolve to survive.
If there's any proof of that fact, it lies in "Final Fantasy." Considering only the vast group of numbered installments (I-XIII), the series is much different from how it began and continues to reinvent itself year after year.
"Final Fantasy" is the mack daddy ancestor of role-playing games, and it's the only adventure that makes wearing a feather in your hat cool during what the Japanese consider the medieval times. Since it was released in 1987 on the Nintendo Entertainment System, developer Square (now Square Enix) has been picking up steam to become the RPG juggernaut it is today.
The first of these so-called "final" fantasies is beginning to smell funny as it ages in the part of the refrigerator where the moldy cheese and old baking soda is kept.
Back before highly androgynous main characters were the norm and Shinra began stealing the essence of the planet, Square sent four light warriors with attitude (and names containing four letters or less) on a mission from God.
(OK, they were actually sent by the king, but it sounds more epic the other way, so we'll stick with that.)
Recently, the original version of the game was re-released on the Nintendo Wii's Virtual Console, one of the many re-releases over the past 22 years.
So, with the holidays just a hop and a skip around the corner, what better time is there to build up some self-loathing than by going a few rounds with some overpowered enemies? It really makes you think about just how few hit points we humans really have.
That's one of the most frustrating aspects of the original "Final Fantasy" -- it's just too damn hard for the average player to jump into and enjoy. In battle, characters die off faster than the friends you happen to include in "Oregon Trail" (but at least they don't have to deal with Typhoid).
With all the monotonous level grinding needed to survive even early battles and the terribly slow menu reactions, the experience is frazzling enough to get out the eggnog two months early.
The nightmare doesn't end there. Unlike other playable characters in the "Final Fantasy" series, the Warriors of Light are as bland as a piece of burnt toast and aren't individually interesting in any way. Players can pick from a job class pool of a disappointing six, which includes fighter, thief, black belt, red mage, white mage and black mage.
It also contains the most inexplicable magic system in the franchise that relies not on magic points, but rather casts.
Oh yes, that's right, you only get to cast your spells a limited number of times. The trauma induced by the frequent battles is enough to push any black mage over the edge into the world of sex, drugs and magical rock 'n' roll.
It almost makes you forget the fact Phoenix Downs, the companion reviving necessity, don't exist in the NES version.
Just take a second to let that one sink in.
After 22 years, "Final Fantasy" doesn't hold up well to other RPG's or even others in the same series. There are no blond, pointy-haired protagonists or murderous super soldiers here for the adopters of the original Playstation titles. Players drawn into the genre by the hailed "Final Fantasy VII" will finally know the reason it took seven iterations for Square to finally lure them in now that Nintendo has made the classic widely available.
It's a lesson you'll be sad to learn.
In the very least, seeing the classic victory arm pump is something to look forward to.