'Who's Nailin' Paylin?: Adventures of a Hockey MILF'
Oct. 28, 2008
It's funny. The infamous Hustler-produced Sarah Palin porno starts in much the same way "Hamlet" does. It's a snowy night outside of a palatial home in a decidedly northern region, and perceived enemies are afoot. And much like in the first act of Shakespeare's opus, the opening line is a memorable one, except instead of the punctuating "Who's there?" we get "Jeepers crumpets, who could that be?"
Lisa Ann plays the titular "Serra Paylin" as an airhead Southern belle, with not even the slightest hint of Palin's nasal dialect. And I'm pretty sure Palin doesn't have a navel ring either. The only indicators at all of her character are the bangs and the glasses.
The opening scene, in which Paylin seduces two Russian soldiers, sounds like it could have come from any other adult film - I have a flat tire, can I use your phone? Yadda yadda yadda, now I'm doing you from behind - except for the innuendos about "foreign relations," the glaring inaccuracy that suggests the word "Kremlin" means "tow truck," and, when asked if she would like to give both the men blowjobs, Paylin responds with "You betcha."
In the next scene, Paylin's Intern (Holly West), who is never given a name, seduces the Todd Palin character with references to "back-door politics" leading up to anal sex (insert "riding her like a snowmobile" joke here).
The rest of the film was unavailable at press time, but TMZ.com posted the script in its entirety, which climaxes with a decent satirical speech from Paylin (including the phrase "shoring up our economy" at least once) and an over-the-top threesome with "Hillary Clinton" and "Condi Rice."
I could go on for a while about the political implications of something like this or the horrible double standard of a powerful executive woman being the subject of a parody porno just because many people find her attractive (much to Stephen Colbert's chagrin, we will probably never see "Who's Ridin' Biden?"), but those are rants for another day.
What has been interesting are the ways politics and pop culture have collided throughout this election cycle. With the novelty and vividness of political characters like the aging "maverick" John McCain, the charismatic Barack Obama, the "comic relief," Joe Biden and the folksy "Fargo"-evoking Sarah Palin, we have a field of executive candidates ripe for parody and caricature, even in the world of porno. Tina Fey saw that sort of golden opportunity with her spoof on Palin, and I guess Larry Flynt saw it with his.
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