Chasing the perfect girl

I want to marry Lindsay Weir, the girl from “Freaks and Geeks.” If you don’t know who that is, go watch the show. Because if I had a “type,” she’s it.

And that’s the problem.

I base every single girl I meet off her. It’s like I have a checklist of similarities I go through every time I meet a new girl. And of course, no one stacks up. She’s fictional. Made-up. Even if I thought I had met the real-life Lindsay, it still wouldn’t be right. To start with, the first kiss would be off. The moment in the show when Jason Segel’s character and Lindsay finally kiss outshines any romantic moment I will ever have.

I’ve realized television has ruined romance. Shows and movies show dramatic, romantically charged, fast-paced relationships in which over-attachment is somewhat expected. “The Office” insisted I should be funny and have my relationship be a documentary. “It’s Kind of a Funny Story” hinted love can only be found in a mental hospital. “How I Met Your Mother” suggested dating your best friend is the perfect option. And “Skyfall,” well, that just was more inspiration to get with ladies who can’t speak my language.

But “Freaks and Geeks”? The show tells me I need a smart, not overly attractive girl who is absolutely fine staying at home on Halloween rather than going crazy. A girl who doesn’t mind listening to my band play poorly-written songs in a cramped basement. A girl who understands not going to the gym every day is actually a pretty all right way of living. And of course, a brunette with brown eyes who looks great in just normal everyday clothes.

And somehow this option, which seems perfectly realistic, somehow never seems to appear. But it’s because my view of happiness in a relationship has been narrowed to very specific requirements. Though I am walking in a world full of interesting, intelligent and attractive people, I am ignoring all of them because, in my mind, there’s a perfect girl out there. Someone I haven’t met yet.

And though there may be a perfect girl, who’s to say she’s not the blonde in my math class? Maybe I’ll find an exact copy of my crush from “Freaks and Geeks,” but more likely, I’ll be even happier with someone completely different. And real.

Comments (2)

8:46 p.m., Dec. 4, 2012

Kurt Jensen said:

Best article I have read in a very very long time.

1:54 p.m., Jan. 1, 2013

Alix Carruth said:

I really enjoyed reading this! Your writing style is great and your voice was definitely clear. I agree -- the media has completely ruined my trust in 21st century romance. Tough.

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