The unwritten laws of theater etiquette
With the heat index swelling exponentially as the summer months chug on and ridiculously awesome movies like “The A-Team” and “Tron Legacy” exploding into theaters, you’re inevitably going to retreat to the air-conditioned sanctuary of the nearest cinema. Since we’re all going to be spending more than our fair share of time at the Cineplex, maybe we should run through a little refresher course on theater etiquette to stop you from being “That Guy,” just in case you forgot.
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Sit Down: I understand, in the privacy of your own home, getting up from your seat to use the restroom or make a snack is not a big deal. The movie theater, however, is not your house. There are probably people who do not enjoy you stepping on their toes as you haphazardly tromp across the aisle. Getting up once is understandable. We’re all human. But that large Cherry Icee that you sucked down during the preview is bound to get to you sometime. If you have an overactive bladder, at least have the foresight to sit at the end of an aisle. And do not use your cell phone as a flashlight to find your seat. People managed to find their seats at the movie theaters long before cell phones existed.
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Shut Up: There is no reason to loudly repeat every line and recap every event transpiring on screen to your pals. We’re all watching the same movie and are perfectly aware of what’s happening on the 30-foot screen in front of us. If you simply cannot resist the urge to share your thoughts, there is no shame in doing it quietly. This is what whispering is for.
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Turn Your Damn Cell Phone Off: Clearly, in a dark and quiet area a cell phone would be less than conducive. Why people fail to understand this, I have no clue. It’s the cardinal rule. Why did I spend most of my viewing of “Precious” listening to a woman making plans for a barbeque? Why did I have to demand a refund for a viewing of “The Crazies” where there was literally a sea of cell phone screens? And for the record, dimming your iPhone does not make it any less noticeable.
Listen, the point of going to the movie theater is to lose yourself in a movie. To forget about everything in the world except whatever fantastical journey you’re embarking on. A good movie will do this and a great movie will make you a part of it. The constant talking and flashing cell phones simply serve as a constant reminder that it is, in fact, just a movie. So, when you are sitting a packed theater, for the love of Spielberg, leave your freaking cell phone alone.
