Dinner at the movies
In previous posts, I’ve championed the importance of choosing the right movie for the situation and choosing the right people to go with as well. But these are far from the only decisions needed for a perfect night at the theater. One such decision is usually overlooked: what to eat. To remedy this, I’ve taken the liberty of compiling a small list of dos and don’ts and what your choices may say about you as a person.
Generally, there are three main food options when planning a trip to the local cinema: candy, popcorn or eating before/after the film. I’m not a food critic (though you might not be able to tell that from looking at me), so I’ll let you handle the non-theater eating options.
To further narrow our exploration, let’s take popcorn out of the equation. It’s virtually the same as it’s always been. You know what you’re getting into with popcorn. But candy is an entirely different story.
First, some ground rules:
You’re doing no one any favors when you buy candy at the movies. It leaves you broke and encourages the theater to keep those prices high. Sneak in your own, or look like a fool. Your choice.
Avoid anything individually wrapped. You will be the bane of every moviegoers existence if you sit down with the 50 tiny packs of Sweet Tarts you got from the Trick-or-Treating you did this year. Seriously though, aren’t you a little old to still be Trick-or Treating?
One-offs are worthless. That Snickers bar may seem advantageous on the surface – low mess, easy mobility, etc. – but unless you can withstand temptation and pace yourself throughout the next two hours with that single bar of chocolate, your resources are better spent elsewhere.
Following those guidelines still leaves a vast selection of sugary sweets at your fingertips. Except for rare exceptions – I’m looking at you Pop Rocks – you should be OK with any of these options. So let’s analyze what some choices say about you:
Dots – Dots might be the most underrated candy of all time. They’re as tasty as jelly beans, but without that loud outer shell that will have the woman behind you whispering a big “Shhh” in your ear. This is the candy of the considerate confectionary connoisseur.
Junior Mints – What a ruse. A mint covered in chocolate? Hell, that’s practically healthy! Can’t have that. Unless you fancy yourself a dentist or a masochist (though one sometimes begets the other) stay far away.
Suckers/Lollipops – This is one exception to the one-off rule. Suckers have great longevity. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? If you go to a movie and try to find out, the picture will be done before you get there – and don’t bother asking Mr. Owl. That guy is no help whatsoever.
Finally, something should be said about gum. If you’re going to chew gum at a theater, be responsible about it. Either commit to chewing for the entire movie or bring a napkin or something to put it in until the movie is over when you can properly dispose of it. Remember, only the scummiest scum of the Earth stick gum to the bottom of their seats or worse, leave it on the floor.
Follow these tips and no matter what movie you see, at least your taste buds will have a good time.
