The Lindsay Lohan of things that fall from clouds
THREE THINGS.
- Is there anything that’s more of a two-faced cocktease than snow?
Hear me out: at first, it’s all white and picturesque, draped across lawns and rooftops like a thick, wooly quilt. It’s pristine! It’s beautiful! Two days later, it’s the color of poisoned coffee, especially around sidewalks. Stupid cars. Snow, if you’re going to be pretty and white, please stay pretty and white. None of this gross and ugly thing. Snow is totally the Lindsay Lohan of things that fall from clouds.
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Submarines! How terrifying, yet awesome are submarines? Imagine being a seaman doing submarine-y things down in the depths of the Atlantic. Days upon days spent in, like, a four-foot tall metal tube, shooting torpedoes and what not. But at the same time, you’re in a tiny, enclosed space, leagues (is that still an appropriate measurement?) under the ocean’s surface. Scary stuff. Now imagine going to sleep in a submarine, having some sort of horrible nightmare in a submarine…and then waking up in cold sweat. AND YOU’RE STILL IN A SUBMARINE! No, thank you.
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I’m giving myself many bonus points for ignoring any easy seaman/semen jokes up there. Now THAT’S professionalism.
